I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
