Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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