The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
