the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
