Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Mom said you looked used
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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