Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
