Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
