Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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