why didn't you poke me back
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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