Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We left the knife in your bed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
