if you like me you must not know who I am
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
