I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
