I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
