Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
