Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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