she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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