chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
