Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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