God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
as a side note pls kill me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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