ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
