Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
