Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We smell like vodka and hangover
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