I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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