I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
