so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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