Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
