Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
