shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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