so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
