The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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