So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
