Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
