I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
