Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
