I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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