We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
