It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
