If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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