wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
