she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
