so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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