apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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