Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
