12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
