we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
