I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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