The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
