Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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