You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
