sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
