I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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