while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
