it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
