Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
