there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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