oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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