i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think i got beer on your cat.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
