Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
this hospital has no fireball
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
