i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
