Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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