i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
