im six kinds of drunk right now
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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