i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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