Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
