Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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