I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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