This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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