I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize