this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize