He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
