So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
