My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
